10 Tips on Life After Men - How to Get Back on Track After Separation Or Divorce

 

10 tips on life after men: How to get yourself back on track after separation, divorce, being cheated on, or generally being dumped by the man you love
Your life has come to a standstill. For years you gave your everything to the man in your life, and now you find out he cheated, or he doesn't love you anymore - in short - all of a sudden you find yourself alone out there, divorced, separated, without a man by your side, angry and despondent. How do you get back on your feet? How do you even begin to feel better about yourself? How do you cope with the kids - especially angry teenagers? You need a job but haven't worked for years - what the heck now, where do you start? I hope to help you with a series of articles, of which this is the first, because this is where it starts - finding yourself and learning to like who you are before walking out there with a straight back and finding your feet in the great big world on your own.
Now you may ask yourself how the heck would I know what I'm talking about? Trust me I do. At 44 years of age I find myself a single mom of 4 kids ranging in ages of 20, 18, 11 and 7 - three girls and one boy. And I've been single for a while now. I went through all the motions - anger, despondency, the whole story. I, also, had to learn to like myself after spending years with a man who told me I'm useless. I also had to find out who I am, what I like, and where I want to go to from there, and I had to go out there and find a job after not working for almost six years. Plus, I had two angry (VERY in the case of my son) teenagers who suddenly found freedom from dictatorship and tried their best to try everything under the sun they weren't allowed to try out before. Want to become your teen's best friend? I'll show you how but that's another article altogether. Let's start with you. So you feel fat, ugly, and useless? So you feel as if no one out there can ever love you again? Get real. He's the one who lost out, not you. You're special, you're unique, and you have to realize that before you can do anything else. So, where to start?
1) Find out what you like (used to like maybe) and rediscover it. We all have our little things. With me, it's writing. I write novels. I get lost in them. When our troubles started, they became my crutch. My characters became real. I got my eldest daughter (then 17) involved. It became a great bonding tool between all four of us because the kids enjoyed sharing ideas with me and getting new ideas for my novels. Anichia even joined me and wrote a few pages. The new ideas I got came mostly from her. Point is, we all have something we enjoy doing and when you're surviving in a bad marriage you tend to forget those things. It becomes a battle to stay sane. Get back there. Maybe you liked gardening? Go for it - rediscover the garden and landscape the thing to China if that's what you enjoy doing. Find out what you like and start doing those things. It's great therapy and it helps you to rediscover yourself, because that's what you need most.
2) Give yourself a makeover. I got told so many times that I'm useless. Now I agree on one thing, I'm no housewife. I've got my head in the clouds most of the time but I tell you this much, I know I tried my best, and I know I'm not fat, not ugly and not old. But after so long, you tend to start feeling that you are all those things - useless, fat and ugly. What did I do? I got a haircut. Simple, easy and cheap - but tell you what, it worked. I felt better. Then I went a bit further and got a tattoo. That made him mad and me real happy, not because he was angry about it, but because I walked out of that tattoo parlor bursting with pride. I'd done something that I never thought I'd have the guts to do and I felt like a new woman. Of course, I took my two teenagers and went to the pub (me for a shot of tequila and them for cokes) straight after and ended up comparing tattoos with other women like me. Great feeling. Now don't go rushing out getting tattoos just because I said it worked for me. Maybe you need to go have a day at a spa and soak in a hot tub and have your nails done. Whatever works for you. Spoil yourself. Tell yourself you're special, because you are.
3) Get a new hobby. What is there that you always wanted to do? Learn to play golf? Go scuba diving? Go out there and do it. Nothing's stopping you? You might just discover something about yourself you never knew and you might make new friends. Go ahead and have fun. Life is meant to be lived, not moped.
4) Get out there and make new friends. Harder than it sounds but worth it. I had no car for a while so the kids and I had to walk everywhere. That meant I got to know a lot of new people and saw plenty new faces. Many of those people became good friends and they all supported me throughout it. Funny thing though - the friends I thought I had while I was married suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth. Be prepared for that. Those who are false will fade and the ones you make now will stay. Put your shyness down the toilet and flush it. People are nicer than you think. Go ahead and find out for yourself.
5) Take time out to spend with your kids and do things with them you always wanted to do but never had the time for. Survival rubs off on kids and pretty soon they forget to be just that - kids. Rediscover them, find out who they are and what they like, listen to their music, go for walks, take them to the park, get in the car and take them to the museum or on holiday. We did that - my son's a surfer and he wanted to do trials so I decided to take him and make a long weekend out of it. We did that twice, and in the process we became closer than I thought we could ever be. My 20-year-old discusses absolutely everything with me - and I mean everything- and my son does pretty much the same thing. What other mother can brag about her teens trusting her like that? That's because I involved them in my life, my decisions, my heartaches and my joys. They are my life. Your kids are your life. Make them part of yours.
6) Take long walks on your own and look around you. Discover nature and yourself Be alone now and then but not to mope and worry. Walk around, look at flowers, trees, birds - go for hikes and think about yourself and your kids and your plans and what you want out of life, where you want to be five years from now or just don't think, just look. Pink sings a song 'Leave me alone (I wanna be lonely)' Sometimes you have to be lonely to find yourself.
7) Get involved in the lives of people less fortunate than you. My teens were never allowed friends, not until dad left. Now, suddenly friends arrived and the house became alive. Wow! It was great! But with that I learnt that a lot of heartache out there is worse than mine - like the fourteen year old girl with the 23 year old boyfriend who got pregnant, or the 16 year old boy whose foster dad abuses him - kids who feel they have no hope. It made me sick, it made me angry and it made we want to get involved in their lives. It took the focus away from my own problems and seemed to make them less important. It helped.
8) Stay motivated and positive. You will get days were you are depressed and everything seems to drag you down. Fight it. Get up, straighten your back, take a long hot bath and tell yourself to stay positive. Not easy but worth it. Don't allow life to get you down, get life down.
9) Put on some music (Real loud) and sing or dance your heart out. Don't laugh but while married I forgot just how much I enjoyed Bon Jovi's music. When my hubby left, I rediscovered it and I also discovered that my son's music is actually not that bad. I began singing along with Linkin Park, full blast, no matter the neighbors. Despondent? No problem. I put Jon Bon Jovi on full blast and sing along at the top of my voice while cleaning the house and pretty soon I feel like a million bucks. The words of his lyrics speak to me and give me hope. Listen to "It's My Life"; trust me - that one does me wonders. Music makes miracles.
10) Gather a few best female friends and have a night out. We did that. Rachel, myself, and a few other chicks went out to Waves, a local restaurant, and had a few drinks, a few laughs, and sang karaoke. What a night! I had to drag Rachel out by the scruff of the neck (her being in much the same position as me but more depressed) but it did us both the world of good. Word of warning - don't get drunk (there's nothing more disgusting that a drunk woman) and don't get tempted into hooking up with a man who looks interested. Stay away! That night is about you not about getting laid and the next morning you'll just wake up hating yourself. Find yourself before finding new love otherwise it'll never work.
Hope these tips helped. That's where I started and it's a good place to start. I'm on my way and feeling better about myself than I've felt for many years. I don't need a man I've got what I need. If I find someone, great. If I don't, cool. Life's worth living. Start doing that. Live.

On the Bookshelves: A Few More at Borders

On Tuesday, I stopped by the nearby Borders and ran into Jill, who referred to this post, about the books on the shelves that are tattoo-related.

She showed me the photography section, where I found three more titles of interest.

The first was this title, Suicide Girls: Beauty Redefined:


For those unfamiliar with Suicide Girls, click the link on the sidebar to get a preview. It's basically a pin-up site, and most of the models are copiously inked. They're a lovely lot.

~

Jill also pointed out this book, Heroines by Bettina Rheims:

Although not specifically tattoo-related, some of the models in this high-end photography book sport ink.

~

And the third book I spotted was Celebrity Tattoos: An A-Z of A-List Body Art: 16 Temporary Tattoos to Wear by Chris Martin.

It's been extremely cold this week in New York City, so the inkspotting has been minimal. Bear with us. Pitchers and catchers report for Spring Training in less than a month, which means warmer weather is just around the corner!

On the Bookshelves: A Few More at Borders

On Tuesday, I stopped by the nearby Borders and ran into Jill, who referred to this post, about the books on the shelves that are tattoo-related.

She showed me the photography section, where I found three more titles of interest.

The first was this title, Suicide Girls: Beauty Redefined:


For those unfamiliar with Suicide Girls, click the link on the sidebar to get a preview. It's basically a pin-up site, and most of the models are copiously inked. They're a lovely lot.

~

Jill also pointed out this book, Heroines by Bettina Rheims:

Although not specifically tattoo-related, some of the models in this high-end photography book sport ink.

~

And the third book I spotted was Celebrity Tattoos: An A-Z of A-List Body Art: 16 Temporary Tattoos to Wear by Chris Martin.

It's been extremely cold this week in New York City, so the inkspotting has been minimal. Bear with us. Pitchers and catchers report for Spring Training in less than a month, which means warmer weather is just around the corner!

Monkey Tattoos - Great Personality For Great Tattoo Designs

 

A monkey character for your tattoo design?

Playfulness. This is what monkeys are popular for. But, let's not forget that wit is also one of the monkey's well known traits. So, what better tattoo designs to reflect your personality than that of monkey tattoos?

Mostly the designs used for monkey tattoos are the many folkloric tales that monkeys starred in. One example of the monkey character from these great tales is from the Indian art called Hanuman the Monkey, which is an incarnation of Shiva - a Hindu god. Bravery, loyalty and devotion are among the distinct qualities of Shiva, the symbol of man and beast. A sample idea for a tattoo design is the monkey god chasing a flying sun.

Chinese monkey tattoos is yet another popular design depicting the animal as a god. There are actually several depictions for these Chinese monkeys reflecting different stories. Monkey designs may feature designs of woodblock-type image, or a simple kanji script reflecting the animal's 9th zodiac sign of the Chinese.

During the ancient times in Japan, monkeys were considered as messengers of the gods and symbolize harmonious marriage, fertility and safe child birth.

Monkey tattoos mostly illustrate the animal from their cute and charming images to caricatures. The usual features of monkey designs used are the small round head and stout images.

The human-like features of monkeys are what make it appealing for monkey tattoo designs where you can create a variety of images that could reflect our own personality in a funny way. They can even be illustrated doing actual things that people do such as reading, playing video games or dancing.

Sexy Girl Tattoo

 

The right kind of tattoo on a girl can be incredibly sexy. Here are some important points when going for a sexy girl tattoo:
1. What kind of design? A sexy girl tattoo should be something erotic, exotic, and even a little dangerous looking. What you should not get is something "cute", like a rose or some common type of girl tattoo. The design that stands out is going to be strong and sexy. You can still bring femininity into your tattoo by adding other elements around it. For instance a dragon tattoo on a female can be very sexy, while you can then add in surrounding stars or small flowers to accentuate feminine qualities, while remaining sexy and dangerous.
2. Where to get your female sexy tattoo? Areas that accentuate a sexy tattoo are upper arms, upper back, and upper thigh areas. Other areas may work well also, but one area to avoid is the lower back. While this area has been viewed as a sexy place to get your female tattoo, it's been played out and become too much of a trend. Now slang terminology has emerged referring to female low back tattoo's as "tramp stamps". So instead of "sexy", low back tattoo's have turned into trendy and unoriginal.
3. How large? Generally sexy female tattoo's tend to be bigger, which contributes to their strong, stand out look. Again, a small tattoo tends to be more "cute" than sexy. Whereas a larger tattoo stands out and can be much more elaborate, sexy and "dangerous looking". It need not be a large mural filling up your whole back, but an above average sized tattoo tends to be the sexiest.

Cat's Ink Pays Homage to Her Experience on the Ocean

Over the last few months, I have reconnected with old friends through Facebook, many of whom I haven't seen in years. In so doing, many have discovered my burgeoning interest in tattoos, and the manifestation of that in Tattoosday. Many of these old friends are inked and I've posted their work here (i.e. this one form Michael).

Today's post comes to us from Catherine, the only person with whom I went to high school and college.

After college, Cat returned to Hawai'i, where she re-connected with the ocean, paddling and, among other things, taking a voyage on the Hōkūle‘a, traversing the sea in the style of the ancient Polynesians who settled on the Hawaiian Islands. That's an oversimplification but, rest assured, the journey is quite different from booking a ticket on a cruise ship.

So, it made perfect sense to me when Cat sent me an e-mail with the subject line "Cat's Tat," accompanied by the photo of her ink:


This amazing tribal piece on her lower back pays homage to her love of the ocean and Polynesian culture. I'll let her explain the rest, in her own words:

I had this done for my birthday a few years ago by Tricia Allen, who is well recognized for her knowledge of Polynesian tattooing. She's pretty much in demand for work, and is often on the BIG big island for jobs and conferences. I had known her a little bit while I was taking classes at UH, and met her again on Rapa Nui - we had a mutual friend there. Anyway, she did it in her living room in Palolo. I was sitting on a stool, bent over, with my face in a pillow. I was beginning to feel somewhat like Pavlov's dog, because ever time the buzz started, I'd get tense. She also seemed to enjoy pointing out where nerve clusters were located (owww).

Here's the story/reasoning/rationale: I had gotten a small one after our canoe club won the state championship in 1993 - my crew won the "blue ribbon" race for women, having been second all season. Anyway, once I really got into sailing, I wanted to design a new one that represented what I had seen and done in terms of canoes (both sailing and paddling). Canoes and canoe related activities have taken me all over the Pacific: The Society Islands (including Tahiti), The Marquesas, Mangareva, Rapa Nui, New Zealand, Australia, Fiji. It took 7 years of my trying out different designs before I found the concept I liked. I went for a consultation with Tricia, who gave me the idea; the Marquesans often use the idea of the human face, where each feature is a symbol in it's own right. Tricia had given me a diamond-shaped example, and from that I immediately saw what I would do.

So - the Marquesan concept, the shape of the hihimanu - ray - represents the twin-peaked mountain of Mangareva. As we approached it from the sea, it looked like a ray emerging from the sea. The eyes are Hawaiian honu - sea turtle, the wings are New Zealand Māori-style naia - dolphins, on the sides of the eyes are Rapa Nui makohe - frigate birds (separate story here - not getting into it), the mouth and nose are a double-hulled canoe and sail, with waves on either side, and the tail is supposed to be moons (for navigation and tides) and fishhooks done in a Tahitian style. Kinda ran out of room at the tail end, though! The whole represents Tangaroa/Kanaloa, who is the Polynesia-wide god of the sea. Not that I've been out there a LOT, but I have been out there...you see the myriad incarnations of Kanaloa: the good, the bad and the truly frightening. I guess the design is in homage of what's out there...

Now I'm contemplating the next one. I have some Cook Island Māori ideas, but I want to go there first. Have also had a few people ask me to design things for them. I have also met maybe three or four others with hihimanu on their lower backs...you see LOTS of tattoos at canoe regattas!

Mahaloa nui loa to Cat for sharing this awesome piece with us here on Tattoosday, and for providing such an in-depth explanation. Truly fascinating and inspiring! We're loking forward to seeing the next one!

Cat's Ink Pays Homage to Her Experience on the Ocean

Over the last few months, I have reconnected with old friends through Facebook, many of whom I haven't seen in years. In so doing, many have discovered my burgeoning interest in tattoos, and the manifestation of that in Tattoosday. Many of these old friends are inked and I've posted their work here (i.e. this one form Michael).

Today's post comes to us from Catherine, the only person with whom I went to high school and college.

After college, Cat returned to Hawai'i, where she re-connected with the ocean, paddling and, among other things, taking a voyage on the Hōkūle‘a, traversing the sea in the style of the ancient Polynesians who settled on the Hawaiian Islands. That's an oversimplification but, rest assured, the journey is quite different from booking a ticket on a cruise ship.

So, it made perfect sense to me when Cat sent me an e-mail with the subject line "Cat's Tat," accompanied by the photo of her ink:


This amazing tribal piece on her lower back pays homage to her love of the ocean and Polynesian culture. I'll let her explain the rest, in her own words:

I had this done for my birthday a few years ago by Tricia Allen, who is well recognized for her knowledge of Polynesian tattooing. She's pretty much in demand for work, and is often on the BIG big island for jobs and conferences. I had known her a little bit while I was taking classes at UH, and met her again on Rapa Nui - we had a mutual friend there. Anyway, she did it in her living room in Palolo. I was sitting on a stool, bent over, with my face in a pillow. I was beginning to feel somewhat like Pavlov's dog, because ever time the buzz started, I'd get tense. She also seemed to enjoy pointing out where nerve clusters were located (owww).

Here's the story/reasoning/rationale: I had gotten a small one after our canoe club won the state championship in 1993 - my crew won the "blue ribbon" race for women, having been second all season. Anyway, once I really got into sailing, I wanted to design a new one that represented what I had seen and done in terms of canoes (both sailing and paddling). Canoes and canoe related activities have taken me all over the Pacific: The Society Islands (including Tahiti), The Marquesas, Mangareva, Rapa Nui, New Zealand, Australia, Fiji. It took 7 years of my trying out different designs before I found the concept I liked. I went for a consultation with Tricia, who gave me the idea; the Marquesans often use the idea of the human face, where each feature is a symbol in it's own right. Tricia had given me a diamond-shaped example, and from that I immediately saw what I would do.

So - the Marquesan concept, the shape of the hihimanu - ray - represents the twin-peaked mountain of Mangareva. As we approached it from the sea, it looked like a ray emerging from the sea. The eyes are Hawaiian honu - sea turtle, the wings are New Zealand Māori-style naia - dolphins, on the sides of the eyes are Rapa Nui makohe - frigate birds (separate story here - not getting into it), the mouth and nose are a double-hulled canoe and sail, with waves on either side, and the tail is supposed to be moons (for navigation and tides) and fishhooks done in a Tahitian style. Kinda ran out of room at the tail end, though! The whole represents Tangaroa/Kanaloa, who is the Polynesia-wide god of the sea. Not that I've been out there a LOT, but I have been out there...you see the myriad incarnations of Kanaloa: the good, the bad and the truly frightening. I guess the design is in homage of what's out there...

Now I'm contemplating the next one. I have some Cook Island Māori ideas, but I want to go there first. Have also had a few people ask me to design things for them. I have also met maybe three or four others with hihimanu on their lower backs...you see LOTS of tattoos at canoe regattas!

Mahaloa nui loa to Cat for sharing this awesome piece with us here on Tattoosday, and for providing such an in-depth explanation. Truly fascinating and inspiring! We're loking forward to seeing the next one!